You too, shall pass...we hope.

I meant all summer to be at least journaling* about my thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc. that I was experiencing while preparing for the bar exam. To my shock and chagrin, however, I did discover that I am not, in fact, superwoman and that the last thing I wanted to do at the end of a long day of reading and writing was to...write. I kept telling myself "Self, you should really be writing down some of your emotions. Process what you're going through and experiencing. This is intense, it will help you to journal it out." And then I, self, would commence weeping at the thought of having to use my brain anymore. Ergo, no journaling or memorializing my bar review and exam experience. My brain cells were just too precious to waste on being mentally healthy!!

So here we are, post-bar week 2 and I have nothing to show for it! I have 1/4th of a clean closet. In reality this equals approximately 1/64th of a clean house, and don't ask if those fractions work. Because I don't know.

What I do know is this:

• I have great intentions for productivity during this hiatus between no school/studying and the Great Job Hunt of 2009.
• I am fully aware that only a fraction of the projects I have my eyes set on will get done.
  
• As of today, August 11, 2009, I do not care if I passed the bar.
  
• As of tomorrow, I will care.
  
• I have only baked one cake since finishing the bar. This worries me.
  
• The feeling of relief at being done with law school is almost as powerful as my feeling of joy when I married Ryan. And that is serious business people.
  
• I am thankful for all the people that prayed for me over the last 3 years, 2 months and the three days of the bar exam. I could not have survived without those prayers.
  
• I have the best husband, ever.
  

So anywho, I am back from the land of insanity and am attempting to reenter the land of the living. I am fairly sure that part of this will entail reassembling my personality and relationships. I think this is how women feel when they leave unhealthy relationships. You always hear women talking about "reconnecting with themselves", or "finding out who they are again" once they leave these bad relationships. Relationships where they gave everything of themselves and received little in return. We have all been in them or known a girlfriend who was there. We see the fallout, the searching for significance and identity.

This is how I feel. Like a bruised ex-girlfriend who gave her all to a selfish boy for three years. A selfish boy who gave her little in return. Although in this scenario, I do know that law school gave me a degree. And hopefully come November 20, a license to practice law in the state of California.

So here's to my recuperation from my unhealthy relationship. So long law school! I gave you 3 great years, and now my husband, friends and family want me back!


*Evidently this is not a word. I do not care.